


We're Not Broken

by The_small_one_to_rule_them_all



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Aromantic Asexual Deceit Sanders, Aromantic Asexual Logic | Logan Sanders, Aromantic Morality | Patton Sanders, Asexual Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Demiromantic Roman "Princey" Sanders, Internalized Acephobia, Other, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:42:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22194967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_small_one_to_rule_them_all/pseuds/The_small_one_to_rule_them_all
Summary: Deceit realising he’s aspec, featuring everyone supporting, educating and loving on him. basically aspec sides. Everyone is Aspec, all of them.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil & Creativity | Roman & Logic | Logan & Morality | Patton & Deceit Sanders
Comments: 18
Kudos: 97





	We're Not Broken

**Author's Note:**

> this fic was inspired by a post by @sign-from-god-complex on tumblr who let me run with his wonderful ideas.

A few months ago, Patton found Virgil panicking in his room. When Virgil had calmed down enough, he explained that someone had told him he was hot and then asked him out and he panicked because he just doesn't like them that way. Then he realised that he never liked anyone that way and he was just so nervous that something was wrong with him that he had spiralled. Patton was quick to reassure him that not feeling attraction was normal. He introduced Virgil to asexuality and Virgil quickly embraced the new world he found himself in. When Virgil had later asked Patton how he knew about Asesuality, Patton told Virgil that he’s aromantic, he doesn't feel romantic attraction. Virgil had nodded and moved on, a bit too tired to have more of a conversation about it.

Patton was there when Logan came to him late one night. “You’re the expert on emotions,” Logan said, “So perhaps you can help me.” Patton saw the distress on his face and smiled, letting Logan in his room and telling him he would do his best. Logan spent a long time asking him about how romantic relationships are different from friendships, to describe what it feels like to want to date someone, to be attracted to them. When Patton asked why he was asking, Logan froze. “I don't know if ive ever felt those things, and I figured asking you would help me determine if I have felt them or if something is wrong.” Patton had calmly told Logan that not feeling those things didn't mean something was wrong. He had Logan google asexuality and aromanticism then and there as he sat on his bed. Logan had cried a bit, but neither of them mentioned it. Later that day Logan had shared a document with Patton, it was a list of reasons why it’s okay not to feel attraction of any sort. Logan had encouraged him to add to it. The document is 20 pages long now and they still add to it sometimes.

Patton was there when Roman told him, once in a game of truth or dare, that he doesn’t fall in love that easy, that he can count the people he has liked on one hand. He had said that he doesn't understand how he could be the romantic side and not love like other people. Patton was there to pick up the pieces. Patton gently scolded him for doubting himself. He told Roman that the love he feels is valid and true, and that it being rare only makes it all that more special. Then he gently told him that he isn't alone. He told him about aromanticism and the aromantic spectrum. How love is complicated and messy and attraction is just the same. How some people identify as demisexual, they only have the chance to fall in love after they form a strong emotional bond with someone. He encouraged Roman to look into different terms too. He did, but the one that stuck was demi and Roman wore the label with pride.

Patton is used to watching Deceit’s dating pattern by now, he will go out with someone, because they asked him first, he will date them for a while, only to have a messy break up with them in a month or so. Always wondering why he isn't enough for them, heartbroken and hurting. 

Recently, Patton has seen that this last breakup is hitting Dee harder than the others. He sighs, going to knock on Deceit’s door when he hears the yelling calm to tears.

“Hey, Dee, it’s Patton, can I come in?”

He doesn't get a no, but the whimper he hears isn't a yes either.

“Dee, kiddo, if you don't say no i'm going to come in okay?”

He waits, he hears no protest.

“I'm coming in okay?” he says, pushing the door open, slipping inside before closing it behind him.

Deceit is crumpled in a ball on his bed crying.

Patton frowns and sits on the foot of the bed, “Dee, would you want some ice cream?”

He shakes his head.

“What do you need, kiddo?”

“Why?”

Patton is a little taken aback at the question. Deceit usually likes his attempts to comfort him, “Why what, kiddo?”

Deceit doesn't lift his head from it’s slot between his knees, though he talks loud enough to be heard, “Why doesn't it hurt like it’s supposed to? Why did I feel like I was reading from a script, just playing the part? Why did it seem like everyone saw the relationship differently that I did, even him? Why did his kisses feel hollow? Why do I always dread intimacy? Why am I broken? What’s wrong with me?”

Patton’s heart breaks, “Can I give you a hug?”

Deceit immediately reaches for Patton.

Patton scoots over and pulls Dee into his lap. He wraps one arm around him and cards the other hand through his hair.

Deceit curls into his chest wetting Patton’s shirt.

Patton holds him tight, “You aren't broken, Dee. There’s nothing wrong with you. Okay?”

“But-”

“No, no ‘but’s okay? There isn't anything wrong with you. Shh, i’ll explain when you’re calmer kiddo, okay? Just cry it out, hmm?”

Deceit complies, letting the sadness wash over him until he’s tired and finally done crying. He sits up, pulling away from Patton and moving out of his lap.

Patton gives him a gentle smile, “You aren't broken Dee, I promise.”

He sniffles, “Of course I am. I'm a monster. I can't even love properly!”

Patton frowns at him, “No, Dee, if you’re a monster than so am I, and so is Logan and Roman and Virgil.”

“But you guys aren't-”

“Exactly.”

Deceit is quiet for a moment, “What’s wrong with us?”

“Nothing.” he says. There is a pause. Patton tilts his head, Why don't we all talk about this together? I can only really answer for myself.”

Deceit frowns at him, confused, but nods nonetheless, “Okay, sure, i’ll bite.”

Patton smiles wide, taking Deceit’s hand and bringing him down to the commons area.

Logan, Roman, and Virgil are all sitting around the room, Logan reading a book, Virgil on his phone, and Roman writing in a notebook.

“Hey guys, can we all talk?” Patton asks. “Nothing bad, I promise. “ He adds noting the look on Virgil’s face.

Roman shrugs, “Sure, what about?”

Patton and Deceit join him on the couch, Deceit sits on the end next to Patton, “Well, from what I understand Dee feels like he loves wrong, and since we all understand that feeling I thought we could talk about it together.”

Virgil shrugs, “I'm willing to talk if you two are.”

Logan merely nods, setting his book aside. 

Roman sits up, “Well then, let’s talk.”

Patton nods, “Great. So, first off, Dee, have you ever heard of asexuality?”

He shakes his head, “No, but what does that have to do with anything? I already told you guys i'm gay, didn't I?”

Logan nods, “You have indeed, several times, loudly when coming back from a date.”

Deceit hisses at him and goes red.

“However,” Logan continues, “Either way it’s still something good to learn about. Do you mind if I tell you what it is?”

“If you don't someone else will, so sure.”

Logan smirks, “I am sure you’re right. Asexuality is a sexual orientation where instead of feeling sexual attraction to the same or opposite gender, one does not feel sexual attraction towards anyone of any gender, or feels limited or infrequent amounts of attraction.”

Deceit nods, then frowns, “What...what’s... what is sexual attraction?”

Logan chuckles, “That is not a question I can answer, seeing as i’ve never felt it.”

Roman raises his hand, “I can answer that, at least, I can try.” He shifts to look at Deceit, “So, sexual attraction is when you are attracted to a specific person because you either think they might be a person you would want to have sex with, or they are a person that you want to have sex with.”

Deceit looks at him, more confused than before, “What? That’s a thing that people...? What? That’s real?”

Virgil smirks, “Same man, same. That was my reaction too.”

Deceit turns to Logan, “Wait so does that mean i'm asexual?”

“If that is what you choose to identify as, then yes.” Logan says.

“Cool, wait, does that mean that when people joke about wanting to sleep with celebrities that...”

Roman nods, “Yep, that would be sexual attraction and no they aren't necessarily exaggerating.”

Deceit stares at him, “What the f-”

“Language!” Patton warns.

“F-Frick. I was going to say frick.”

Virgil folds his arms, “Uh-huh, yeah, and i've felt sexual attraction before.”

Deceit blinks, “You’re asexual?”

“Yup.”

_ “It’s not just me,''  _ he thinks as he smiles at Virgil.

Patton smiles at him, “Do you believe me now?”

Deceit turns to him, “Oh, yeah, I guess this explains a lot. But... it doesn't explain a lot of other things.”

Logan quirks an eyebrow at him, “What does it not explain?”

Deceit sighs, playing with his cape, “Well it doesn't explain why the breakup didn't hurt like it was supposed to, or why I felt like I was acting while doing anything romantic. It doesn't explain why kisses felt empty and emotionless and why I loved him so much, but at the same time... I didn't.”

Logan nods, “Well that sounds like Patton’s domain.”

Patton shrugs “I have felt those things before so I guess I can try to answer this one.”

Deceit frowns at him “You have?”

Patton nods, a solemn look on his face, “You said that it felt like you were acting, reading from a script, that you loved him, but you didn't, that everyone else viewed your relationship differently than you did. I've felt those same things. Felt like even though I loved someone I didn't love them correctly, I wondered if I even loved them at all. I wondered why my heart wasn't broken when we broke up... and then I realised he had never had my heart. I realised I didn't love him like I thought I did, and that scared me so bad. I was so upset that everyone thought I was actually heartbroken over losing him. I realised, eventually, that I was more in love with the idea of him loving me, than I was with him. I realised that it had all felt like I was acting because, on some level, it  _ was _ .”

Patton takes a deep steadying breath before continuing, “I knew everyone viewed our relationship differently than I did, but it didn't really bother me that much, people always say that others don't understand their relationship, how important it is to them, their dynamics and such. I thought that was what it meant, until I realised that even the guy I was with viewed the relationship differently than me, but I couldn't put words to it. 

After some soul searching and googling and lots of crying, I came across the word aromantic. Which, as you can probably guess, means someone who doesn't feel romantic attraction either that much, that often, or ever. I realised I just don't ever experience romantic attraction. The reason our relationship had seemed so different to everyone else was because they saw it as a close romantic bond, and I experienced it as an equally close  _ platonic  _ bond. I had only assumed it was romantic because everyone had told me it was. Because if we’ve kissed then we must be boyfriends, because you don't want to be that person that just goes around kissing people, right? Because it  _ has  _ to mean you love him  _ romantically _ . But the thing is, it doesn't, and however you loved him, whether platonically, famillialy, or otherwise, was completely valid.”

Patton stops himself, realising he’s been rambling and suddenly realises that Deceit is crying. 

“Being aromantic is an option?” Deceit asks.

“Yeah.”

“I... I think that’s me. What you described... that’s exactly what I... that’s me.”

Patton smiles, “Well i'm sorry for going on and on about it but i'm glad you understood me.”

“No, you didn't... well maybe you did but I related to all of it, so I don't mind.” Deceit says with a shrug.

Patton just nods.

Roman yawns, “As much as I would love to keep talking about this and tell you all about the aro and ace spectrums i'm tired and need my beauty sleep.”

“Wait spectrums?”

“Yeah, like a spectrum of attraction to non-attraction, you know?”

“Oh cool.”

“Yeah, i'm demiromantic, so I only have the chance of potentially falling for someone after forming a deep emotional bond with them.”

Deceit nods, “Okay, yeah, that makes sense.”

Roman smiles, “I'm glad, we can talk about it more in the morning if you want. For now, i'm going to bed. Goodnight!”

They all said goodnight and awkwardly turned back to each other. 

Logan clears his throat, "I just remembered I never mentioned, I'm aroace as well.”

“Aroace?”

“Aromantic and asexual, aro and ace for short respectively.”

“Oh, like me?”

Logan nods, “Yes, like you.”

Deceit smiles, glad to know he isn't alone.

“How are you doing Dee?” Virgil asks.

He sits there for a moment, “A bit overwhelmed honestly.”

Virgil nods, “Yeah, we went over a lot of stuff. Would it help if we just shut up for a while and gave you time to process?”

Deceit nods.

Patton gets up, “Okay, well while you do that, I want hot chocolate. Do you guys want anything?”

“I’d like some of my nighttime tea.” Logan says

“Could I have a hot chocolate too?” Deceit asks.

Virgil shrugs, “I'd like hot chocolate made with decaf coffee, if you don’t mind that is.”

Patton nods, “Tea, hot chocolate, and a hot chocolate coffee coming right up!” he says as he spins and walks to the kitchen. 

“Don't be afraid to ask questions if you have them.” Logan adds picking up his book. 

Deceit nods, smiling faintly, he has a lot to think about. 


End file.
